I'd like to return my diplomas.
I'll keep the teachers who got to know my name
and asked me about my family when they saw me at the Farmer's Market.
I'll keep those questions they asked me
and the silence they left me with to ponder the answers in my own time.
I'l keep the look in their eyes
when they looked into my eyes encouraging me to dig deeper.
I'll keep all that.
I'd just like to return the papers,
the certifications, the titles, the diplomas,
the material stuff
signed by someone out there
who doesn't even really know me.
Thank you for your signature. Thank you for your validation.
I'd like to give it back to you
Because I would like to remember how to validate myself.
The truth is
I am not a Masters.
In anything.
So I'd like to stop feeling like I have to pretend to be
because that is what my degree says.
I applied for this. I worked hard for this. I wanted this. Yes.
It's just now I feel a bit silly, you know. There are farmers and field workers and medicine men who are way better suited to be called Masters.
I'll keep the critical analyses.
I'll keep the literature that I was encouraged to examine.
I'll keep the places we visited and the interactions that reminded me we are people
not corporations.
I'll keep the relationships with professors
who cursed and challenged the mass media and the "norm";
I'll keep all those who were authentic with me.
I'll keep the students
who were friends and also teachers
And I'll even keep those who were angry and who judged me
I'll keep the honesty
I'd just like to return the diploma,
the papers, the certifications that led me to believe I needed someone out there
to give me a stamp of approval.
I'd like to know how to give myself a stamp of approval.
I'd like to return the concept that I need an expert, an elite, an external higher body
to legitimize my worth
I'd like to return these titles
that are cluttering my name
my being
my state of existence.
Because every time someone tells me their title or signs their emails with a fancy signature
I do the same in return
And I'm tired of being a title
I want to be a me.
And if that's enough for you
I am sure that eventually you will find out I am deeply in love with the planet
and fascinated by our ecosystems
I will die researching what makes the world go round
What puts a smile on people's faces
What keeps us from getting ill
What heals us
I have sought it out in formal education, in degrees, in certified programs- yes
And also through talking to children and car drivers and farmers and mothers
And grandpas. And even in sitting and watching the birds pick worms of the trees.
And I don't have any papers for that.
Telling the world those things are good enough.
I don't have a paper stamped with a fancy emblem or signed with a fancy signature
telling me or my employers or my neighbours or my government
That listening to my elders is a necessary part of life
That admiring nature is a commendable activity
And that knowing how to appreciate a mother
Has a much higher value than knowing how to appreciate capital.
So I'd like to return the papers
and everything that comes from the outside
validating my intelligence, my place in this world,
my self.
Until I am comfortable recognising and appreciating myself as I am
And until I can see that you appreciate me as such
I'd prefer not to pretend I am anything else.
