5 Things You Didn't Know About Me

Do you ever find that expressing your dreams, or your deepest desires, seems very unnatural?

It is almost as if we feel we are not allowed to say what it is that we really want to do with our lives.

We feel we are not entitled to travel, to do a headstand on the sidewalk of New York City, to sing loudly in the shower, or eat with our hands.

When people ask us what are dreams are, we get nervous.

When asked if we like our job, we find ourselves justifying.

When asked what you really want to do with your life, your heart tells you "dance" but you reply, I am a successful Financial Planner.

Have you ever felt this way? Or is it just me?

Do you feel this way on a daily basis? Do you think you are not allowed to live your dream?

Today I posted on my Facebook that I need help creating an income. It took me a long time to post publicly, what I really wanted to do.

Isn't that weird?

Why is it so hard to be real? To let the world know the truth about you? In honor of overcoming this silly fear, I am going to tell you 5 things you don't know about me.


Here are 5 Truths about Jaime Posa:

1. I wish I were a singer. I LOVE music and I love singing along. I do it in the shower. (I did it in El Salvador in my outdoor cold-dirty-water-bathing area and it was awesome.) I do it in the car. I do it in my room.... but I dont think I'm very good... I don't really care. It feels so good. But, I wish I were a singer.

2. I shower twice a day, but still sweat a lot and maybe smell. I know its not good for your hair and sometimes I feel really bad wasting water. It doesn't help me smell better, because of my all-natural-mineral-salt deoderant. But I love waking up and washing off yesterdays mess before I start a new day. And I love working out and then showering again.

3. I used to not like people. It is weird to me now, because I so genuinely love people, but I remember there was a time when I just said "I can't stand people". I had such a lack of patience and misunderstanding for the world. Now, I love meeting new, unique people, and I look forward to the new interactions I will have on a daily basis. People can bring out unexpected happiness and teach you SO much.

4. My aura communicates. Two weeks ago I was at the movies and I wanted popcorn but didn't want to go back out. As I was walking down the aisle, a guy offered me his popcorn. Last week, on my way to Grand Central, I realized I had forgotten to get food and I was so hungry. "Oh, well, I will just get a Starbucks yogurt," I thought. As I entered GCT, I was handed a box of free yogurt.

.... I'm just saying.

Oh, animals and nature also speak to me. No, for real though.

5. I don't know how to make money. I have worked really hard my whole life. I was a straight A student growing up, while I participated on the Varsity Vball and Soccer teams, I volunteered as an Assitant Catechist at the church, as well as at my Grandpa's hospice. I graduated Cume Laude in college with a 3.84 GPA in Finance, was an active Triathlete for the LLS. I volunteered in Bolivia, Honduras & El Salvador. I write pretty well, read all the time, practice yoga, am trying to grow a not-for-profit business, speak spanish, meditate, run, babysit children, fundraise for those who deserve a chance, bake pies with my 93 year old grandma-- and I don't know how to get paid for it.

I am not motivated by nice clothes or hair cuts or make up.

I don't really care if I have a car, when I have 2 feet, a bike and public transportation.

I don't care if my shoes are not in style.

But I want to continue to help people. And I can only do so if I have created a healthy environment for myself.

I need to live on my own- I need a safe & healthy home.

I need to earn to create the living and education I want for myself that will help create the future I want for my family.

I want to teach your children spanish and how to do yoga.

I want to help guide kids through college and life decisions.

I want to help you find the path for you that gives you the direction you want to go in life, like I found the path for me in Peace Corps & yoga & meditation that has given me the right direction for my life.

So, now you know some of my truths.

I'll be singing terribly, (newly showered, broke, but reveling in the beautiful people in my life, trying to grow my aura so I can speak to the lilies in spring), in my bedroom if you need me.

Thanks-for-giving

Thanksgiving is here and there is SO much to be thankful for.

At yoga practice today we were asked to choose just 1 thing we are grateful for. Trying to limit things to just 1 makes you realize all the beauty there is in the world. How can I choose just 1? Well...

I chose people.

I am so grateful for people.

I am so so so so so so so very grateful to spend Thanksgiving this year alongside my family-- my Momma and Dadda, my 3 pretty sisters, and my 1 favorite dog in the whole-wide-world (except tied with Vaquito). Family's not always easy, can't say I haven't intentionally stained a sisters' shirt or two, but at the end of the day I find myself silently cursing myself for the harm I may have caused them throughout the day when I judged, or yelled, or lost patience. I'm so lucky for the perfect family that was set before me and I wish to celebrate this Thanksgiving showing my gratitude for them.

And, oh, all the other gente out there that make me smile.

My blessed yoga instructors, who help me find the calm to deal with the noise of NYC and the strength to come out unharmed.

Dear friends who lend me their children to make me smile and forget about all the grown-up BS that usually doesn't matter so much as we think it does anyway.

Girly get-togethers when I can laugh til my eyes have extra creases and go home giddy.

Strangers who think my eyelashes are fake.

And oh all the lovely spirits who have contributed to this cause:

Crowdfunding

Because just some more people I am thankful for are Fidel and Saul.

I am so grateful that I met them, for so many reasons. For the friendship they offered me during my short time in El Salvador- and for that moment that we screamed beneath the waterfall at their going away party to the US.

For the passion that they each live with- for music and for photography- for education- for friendships- for family- for a bright future---- for themselves, for their communities-- for El Salvador-- for the world.

They have no idea how much they have accomplished already and they have no idea how much further they will go.

They are a constant inspiration and reminder of the blessings of life.

There are so many more people I am thinking of that I am grateful for, although I cannot list them all, you probably have come into my mind already so don't be offended if my fingers don't type your name, but I must express my ever-present love and admiration for my Granny Grandmama, who is 93 (I know I say that enough but she deserves it) and makes me laugh and smile and tear up on a daily basis. I should put the recording of her voicemail on here...

My dear Salvadoran family: Nina Doris, Nena, Marilyn, and my precious Lili & Karyme. My neighbors Marjori, Catherine, Leslith, David, Gerson and Gilmer, Glenda, Luci and Nina Otinia. Mirna, Carlos y Evelin. I don't know what I would have done without you.

And a special place in my heart is always held for you, Tina, especially during this time. You have come into my life in so many ways over the years, and you were one of the reasons I made it through the hard times in El Salvador. You and your family are an inspiration in my life.

You may read my posts and my floofy blogs and think Im some sort of hippie, life-loving, walking on thin air, yogi-- maybe not. Maybe you think I'm nuts. Maybe I bore you-- I don't know.

But the truth is, life has challenged me in so many ways... these past 6 months especially have tested my willpower. If there is anything that has gotten me by, it is Gratitude.

It puts things into perspective. It grounds you. It keeps you warm. It lifts you up. It humbles you.

So, I am so grateful for Thanksgiving right now- because it came just at the right moment; A time when I need to be extra thankful.

I continue to write 10 things each night in my gratitude journal that I am grateful for- more often than not, these include 5-6 people who have blessed my life that particular day,  2-3 reasons I am thankful for me, and then there's often something in there about a cute pup, a blue sky or my Toms shoes.

Happy Thanksgiving beautiful people & beautiful world.

Music is Peace

"One good thing about music, is when it hits you feel no pain..." 

- Bob Marley.

So hit me with music... me encanta.
---------------------------------------

I SO believe in music. It also tames the savage beast you know? There is something about it that when those good songs come on it just gets you going. It takes you from here to there and the journey is oh so beautiful.

For me, music is medicine. Music is harmony. Music is peace. Music is passion. Music is freedom. Music is liberation. Music is unity. 

Take a look at this photo. Don't you see all of that? Harmony. Peace. Passion. Freedom...

"I want to play music in New York. That is my dream" 

That colocho facing us with the guitar in his hand is Fidel. He learned to play music as a child, without any formal lessons. He was an active member of the Youth Group at his church in El Salvador and there he learned from friends and elders how to pluck a pretty tune. I saw him a few times at that church at the bottom of my hill when I was a Peace Corps Volunteer. Those were the days...

That photo above is Fidel in Wisconsin. He is there hanging out with students from Haiti, Honduras, Colombia, etc. etc.

He used to live in La Montania, Morazan, El Salvador in a community of 400 households where you weren't exposed to much besides your neighbors chickens, cows, and gripe. In a way, it was a gem protected from the confusing conditioning of society. In a way, it could be a trap...the lack of opportunities, diversity, curiosity about the world...

The first time Fidel traveled out was to go to the capital city of San Salvador, 5 hours away by bus, to interview for the scholarship application. I still remember those days of applying and planning the trips to San Sal like it was yesterday. Every time he knocked on my door with a smile and ready to work. Even those late nights when he had spent the day at school, then at work, then the church...

You don't know the meaning of humble until you meet Fidel.

Thursday night, I spent about 2 hours on the phone with Fidel's host Mom in Wisconsin. She was so utterly amazed by Fidel's life story and progress at the University and was so excited to share it all with me, that I had a hard time cutting her off around midnight. I would have gladly listened on if it weren't for the timekeeper. 

Like many of us, Fidel has not had a life without challenges. It would serve no purpose to dwell on the living situation from which Fidel comes from, when there is so much more to say about him.

Take a look again at that picture above. Notice how engaged each and everyone of those kids are in the music.

Fidel has a way of bringing people together. I asked his host mom on Thursday if he was shy moving into a new town, community, country, environment.

"Shy??" She asked me. "No, shy is not a word for Fidel."

Fidel has been at North Central Technical College in Wisconsin for just over 1 year now. He ranks one of the top students in his class (along with Saul) and is President of the Student Council. He is also a member of the Honor's Society Fraternity and plays guitar in the choir of a local church. (I'm sorta blushing like a proud mom right now).

He spends his weekend doing retreats and attending leadership conferences. He also takes turns cooking dinner for his roommates.

Look at Fidel in the scene below. I wanna be there! 

"I want to play music in New York. That is my dream" 

It has been my plan for a long time to show Saul and Fidel my hometown. To show them my family. My dog. My friends. My house. Pleasantville. New York City.

You see, you weren't there when Saul and Fidel walked me to the waterfalls when they found out they had both won the opportunity of a lifetime to study at at US college. They never planned on going to college. You weren't there when we all stood beneath the powerful waterfall and screamed at the top of our lungs. But that sound still resonates with me. And I wish I could share with you that feeling.

Because it is harmony. It is passion. It is peace. It is freedom.

Not only do I get that sensation again when I hear the music that I love on Pandora. But that is the feeling Fidel and Saul create in me. They put the music in you ;)

Saul and Fidel are hope for El Salvador. They are the future of La Montania, Morazan- a community that is so very dear and special to me. They are the peace in the world.

It's not that I want your money. I want to share them with you. I want the world to know about them. I mean that so whole-heartedly. If anyone can do it, they can. And you will see that for yourself when they get here Dec. 18. 

Today I Was Kissed

Today, I was kissed by the heavens and hugged by the earth.

It all happened so quickly that my cheeks blushed and I retracted away in a childish nature. I wore a soft smile as I tucked my chin under the lip of my jacket and peered out with playful eyes.

Then it became so aggressive that I was almost offended by the public display of affection and searched for an escape.

Snow- oh, the problems you cause... but how can we blame you when you bring such beauty?

While my words write like a metaphor, I feel very literal when I say that I was kissed by the heavens. Each tiny flake a pang upon my unconditioned skin: a reminder of my worthiness, a humble awakening.

What a day today was!

• a confident lady without her eyesight had me in tears as I observed all the shuttle commuters taking their vision for granted. 
• an unlikely lunchtime conversation encouraged me to continue getting outside my comfort zone
• and my yoga teacher spoke to me in poetry for almost 2 hours

It all ended with the earth hugging me in shavasana corpse pose...and again, a very literal embrace. 

As I meditated on the seven chakras, I smiled at how yoga came into my life. 

I walked back out into the snow storm. My hands told me NOOO, my smartphone tried to bury itself at the bottom of my bag, but I just couldn't resist.

I wanted to capture the beauty of the New York City streets during my first snow in quite some time.

As I snapped a photo of a barren tree now blanketed in white, my mind flashed back to a photo I had seen on Facebook.

The photo was of a tree ample with red, orange and yellow leaves. It was Saul's photo. I recalled how last month he described to me his love and passion for photographing Fall.

Bring Me to New York for Christmas

Fall does not exist in El Salvador. Saul lived 20 years of his life with just 2 seasons: wet & dry. No colors, no snow, and really not much flowers!

Not only that, but Saul never used a camera until last year.

In August 2011, Saul moved from a tiny farm in El Salvador (my Peace Corps community) to a larger farm in Wisconsin where he is now finishing his second year at a Technical College. He has been embraced by an amazing host Mom, who happened to have a pretty cool photography camera.

Saul began observing...practicing...

Soon, he realized that this was one of his passions. 

He called me and described with excitement how he knows how to work the camera. How he sees the colors in the trees and contours of the landscape. 

He said "Jaime, I am going to make my class their first yearbook!"

Saul's Mom helped him register for an extra Photography class, on top of his 18 credits and vowed to maintain his 3.8 GPA. Okay, he has not only maintained his high grades, but today he called me that he had the best day: he got 100% on his Oral Communications exam and had 6 photos selected to be in the school Art Show. I could hear his smile through the phone :)

I asked him what he would like to do with his photography. He had very 2 different answers.

1. He would like to go back to his community in El Salvador and take photos of his family. Not just his family, other families...his friends...children. You see, Saul told me that the first photo he has of himself is when he is 16. He does not know what he looked like as a baby. He does not have a framed photo of himself shortly after his birth nor playing in the leaves at 4.

2. He would like to get on field level with the Green Bay Packers and get some photos for the newspaper.

Now, if this story isn't the best already, you have to hear it from his own mouth. You have to see his eyes when he describes it all. It gives you the chills-- you know why? (well at least my interpretation)-- He has 0 doubt that these things will occur. He has 0 guilt that he has been given an opportunity that maybe no one else in his community has been given. He has 0 pride that he is one of the top students in his class. He is just being Saul. And he is being the best Saul that he can be.

What more can you ask?

I cannot wait to see the photos he takes of New York City. I cannot wait to see him capture the beauty of my country, as I so passionately tried to do of his country.

I cannot wait to see him bring those photos back to El Salvador in June 2013.

And I cannot wait to see the photos he continues to snap in his home town community...and where ever else the world may take him. 

Because Saul has truly realized that the world is your oyster. And his inspirational ways are contagious. 

SO. In conclusion:

Let the heavens kiss you.

      Put in what you want to get out.

                     Smile, and the world will smile back.

                                      You got the music in you.

And, if you would like to be inspired aka meet Saul please let me know:) 

This is not half of his story. 

And I haven't even started yet on Fidel...

---Being. Consciousness. Bliss.---

The Reality of Abundance

The Reality of Abundance

I feel as though Deepak may have stolen this from my journal last night, but I don't like to go around making accusations.

Email today from Deepak Choprah's Day 1 of my 21-Day Meditation Challenge:

The Reality of Abundance

Oh how often we forget to recognize, or perhaps we confuse, the reality of abundance.

I bet many of us believe we do not live an abundant life. We are struggling financially. We still have student loan debt. We can't afford the new designer purse. Our neighbor has a better job than us. We are suffering from a physical or mental challenge. We are limited.

I suffer from many of these thoughts. Actually, a few months ago I had this conversation with a friend of mine. After I told her many of my dreams in life, she asked me, "how possible do you believe it will be for you to achieve that?" That was when my reality set in.

She sensed my self-doubt. She sensed my sense of undeserving-ness. She sensed my senselessness.

 I did not believe in an abundant life.

Oh, what a beautiful awakening I had this weekend and this morning about the reality of abundance.

I am so, so, so, so, SO....
....
Did I say so?
...so, lucky for all of the amazing people I have in my life.


Yesterday was my birthday and I felt so blessed for the notes, messages, calls, gestures and gifts from people all over the world, that I could not contain my tears and retreated to my bedroom for many moments during the day to try to fix my mascara beneath flooded tear ducts.

Eventually, I surrendered and stopped re-applying.

Of all the ways in which I was blessed this week, weekend, yesterday, and today, I cannot decide which was the best. I cannot even name top 5. But here is an attempt:

1. Today, I can book Saul & Fidel's trip to New York for Christmas. I say that with the biggest smile on my face. Thanks to the amazing generosity of family & friends, I can afford at least the flights.

2. One of my friends from El Salvador visited my community with a video camera and took a video of all my loved ones, my home, my precious perro, and the lovely earth that I walked upon for 2 years. He  informed me that my house is just as I left it, the wooden table is still in the corner and all the drawings & quotes I had posted upon the wall are still up (except for the one he took down and stole for himself). He reminded me of this Dave Mathews quote that I had posted above my pillow:

Pick Me Up Love Everyday.

(I love that line and I love that song and I love the smile I wear when I shut my eyes and picture myself waking up at 5am, and reaching over to my iPod and turning on that music...)

3. Saul wrote me an amazing letter about our friendship and about his new quest to learn photography. He even attached some of his amazing photos. So heart felt, so Saul, and so the reason I cannot wait for him to see NYC! (Another blog to come about Saul & Fidel shortly)

4. My Mom & Dad each wrote me a lovely letter (which I don't dare to open again while wearing makeup) and each of my sister's called (if in NY or MD) or wrote (if in Hong Kong). Amanda texted me at 12:02am...but Danielle wrote the day before (but she had time zone in her favor) so I'm not sure who wins. I guess I'll just give it to Christina. Even Grams called me 2 days early (albeit to say Happy Birthday to Amanda), but I appreciated that anyway.

5. My best friends gave me a 3-day extravaganza of food and drinks that I am still recovering from, but love dearly for taking me under their wings these past few (can it be 6 now?) months. I am still pondering ways to repay them.

On top of all that, Ninia Doris, Nena (Karyme & Lili) and Mirna (my besties from ES) each called or texted me and so many others from ES sent me emails or facebook notes. I still remember last year when Nena texted me at midnight :)

On tippie-top of all that, I had so many messages from people of all parts of the world and of people who used to know me or want to know me or don't really know me - but those who shared the most sweetest things.

It is people that keep me inspired and if it wasn't for all of the support I have in my life, I quite possibly would be a regular old Alice in Wonderland.

You reassure me that I am sane. That this is reality. And that reality is abundant.

Thank you ALL (the names are running through my head as I say this) for your love and support in my life and don't think for one second that you may be one I have forgotten.

I feel like it's time to say "God is love, Rev Run", although I may have confused my presence here...

Let's try this:

Love is abundant. Abundant is love. 
Namaste.

Reflecting on the Scholarship Winners

I spoke with Fidel two nights ago.

He asked if he could call me and talk about the plans he has for his future.

Fidel will be finishing his Associate's degree in June and will be required to move back to his community in El Salvador to implement his new knowledge of business development in his hometown.

He is really hoping to win admission to the Clinton's Global Initiative before he returns home. He is so eager to take advantage of all the opportunities he has been offered here in the US before he moves back to ES.

He inspired me.

When he moves back to ES, he really hopes to teach his community more about environmental awareness. He wants to bring a garbage truck to his town, teach recycling and plant trees. It is a beautiful desire.

I have spent so many days reflecting how far he has come, along with Saul. Man how I wish I could show you the lives they were living before they came here.

In one sense of the way, they have not changed at all. They are still so humble, so intelligent, so caring and dedicated. It is impossible to not be captivated by the spark in their eyes or genuine smiles.

It's still like listening to them speak in spanish and they walked back my house and yelled "Hola Jaime!" in El Salvador when they now call me and say "Hi Jaime, how are you?"

It is one of those "How are you's" that people ask where you know they REALLY care, how you are.

In another sense of the way, their lives have been flipped upside down. Paved roads, seasons, the american-life style.

It has been a beautiful and challenging opportunity for Fidel and Saul to be living here in the US. If anything else, and man they are accomplishing a lot, they are amazing walking beings of inspiration.

Reading over some of my past blogs and I stumbled across the one where Fidel calls me to tell me he one the scholarship:

Fidel Wins the Scholarship

My Birthday Wish

My Birthday Wish...

Is to share my story with people. I want to share what is truly important to me and I want to know what is truly important to you.

We all have a path, but sometimes we are led astray. Sometimes, saying out loud what we are fighting for hold us more accountable for actually taking the steps to get there.

For me, #1 of what is important to me are: people.

We know the people in our lives who are important.

We think that they know how we feel about them.

But more often than not, they do not know. More often than not, we don't take the time to really tell them...or to even really sit and appreciate how lucky we are to have them.

My birthday is coming up... Sunday Nov 4... and a few people have asked me what I want to do for it. I am 25, I expect no presents, and I do not have any real desire to get crazy.

Actually, every time my birthday rolls around, this thought crosses my mind- why are we celebrating me? On Nov. 4, 1987, I actually did not do much of anything. I give most of that credit to my Mom... of course with the help of my Dad, some doctors, and I suppose some other factors.

Why don't Mom and Dad get a bunch of cards on my birthday saying congrats to them for making this day possible?

Well, I guess when push comes to shove, I can take credit for surviving another year. Actually, now that I think about it- after my ES experience- that is kinda a feat...

I suppose we celebrate birthdays because it reminds us that another year of our lives has gone by. And, let's face it, life is not easy. Life is beautiful, that is for sure, but it is quite challenging.

We use our birthdays as a time to be proud of ourselves for making it through another year- maybe not just making it through, but making the best of it. Then, after all the calls, texts, facebook messages, hugs, cake & wine from all our friends, we feel so self-indulged that we make it our duty to return that favor to the world for another year. So, a birthday, at any age, is very special.


I would love to "aprovechar" (geez you still haven't learned spanish??) this birthday opportunity to spend time and share stories with the people I love and care about. In the next few days, I ask you to read my blogs and learn a little more about my story.

Their are 2 very important individuals in my life whom I met in El Salvador, and I want you to know their story. I will tell you upfront, their story comes with me asking for money. I appreciate all that you can afford to give, if you choose to do so, however, as a birthday request- let me just share their story with you. I promise you won't regret it. They make me smile every time I think about them.

Please check my blog often, as I have a few really good stories to share about Fidel & Saul.

If you would like to make a birthday donation or a Christmas present, we will love you forever. If you are even still reading, I probably already do!

Crowdfunding