“HOLA!” I look up from my plastic table and lean forward on the plastic chair I’m sitting on outside. Jose smiles and takes one had off the pile of fire wood he wears over his back, to wave at me. My smile grows wide as I wave back and I lean back in my chair with a quiet, but happy giggle. “Hola” me dijo.
For the past 8 months in La Montanita, 13 year old Jose has been cat calling me. When I walk by, he whistles. When I’m farther down the street “tss,tss” and “venite mi amor, I ‘love you mamasita!” he calls at me. It’s bad enough when the teenagers and old, married men do it to me. But its even more humiliating and frustrating coming from someone barely through puberty.
On my birthday part last month, Jose had the nerve to show up, hover at my door and finally ask for a piece of cake. There were 2 tiny slices left. I put one on a paper plate and walked over to him. I said “You can have this last piece of cake, but you are not going to hiss at me when I walk down the street anymore.”
He still looked up at me with googly eyes when I walked by, but he stopped saying things. Or at least he was quiet enough that I couldn’t hear him.
Last weekend, he was outside while I was loading up a pick up truck with my soccer team girls to travel to an away game. I asked if he wanted to tag along, free of charge, but he would have to ref the game. He agreed.
Today, he walks by my house and says “Hola.”
Sometimes, I get so frustrated here. I work 2 hours at night, planning a meeting for my girls soccer team so that they will be able to own a pair of cleats… And 3 girls show up the next day for the meeting. I offer to help solicit gifts for a Christmas Party for the town (500 of them!) and my community leaders won’t meet with the mayor for the snacks because he is from a different politic party. Maria knocks on my door asking for $3 and Mario laughs as he tells me that he lost all his drawings from Art Class.
No one gets me. I shouldn’t be here. They don’t appreciate my work. They don’t want me here. No one likes me. I have no friends. They just want money. I’m just a big gringa to stare at.
It’s so easy to think like this. I fear this stuff a lot.
But then people surprise you.
Happiness comes in weird ways.
You reap rewards in ways you never thought of.
It just took a “Hello”. An “Hola” from Jose. And I can’t stop smiling. He gets it. I want to be here.
I lean back and good memories come flooding to my mind…
The girls from my Artesania group who came over to my house this week when I invited them. An hour late, but they all showed up. We spent 3 hours making decorations for the Community House for the Christmas Party. We talked and laughed and listened to music…it felt good. One girl even wrote up a description of the community and our project to show my friends at home, as I asked. I was so proud of her. Together we wrote a Thank You card for our Artesania group leader. The message came from the group and it touched my heart. They do appreciate my work.
Last night, some girls invited me to a bull riding show in a neighboring community. We laughed as a soccer game was played while a bull ran loose on the field. Kids trying to make goals while avoiding getting stuck with a horn. Not the safest game but man, funny to watch. We huddled together as it got late and a whole lot colder than I ever thought it’d get here. We giggle, a giant group of girls, arms wrapped around each other. They do want me here. They do like me. I do have friends.
Esmeralda tries to wash her cup from the coffee I offered her during our Artesania Christmas Decoration making session. “Leave it” I say. “No Jaime. When someone offers you something, you return the favor”. They don’t just want my money.
“Hola” Jose called to me as he waved, smiling. I’m not just a big gringa to stare at.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Espereme!
Last week I had a meeting with my girls soccer team scheduled for 1 pm to discuss fundraising so we can travel to neighboring towns. At 12pm I was to meet with Leo to price the jewelry my Artesania group made for me to sell at the Feria Internacional. And my counterpart had just notified me that there was an important ADESCO meeting at 2pm.
I rushed around the house all morning. I ran to my neighbors house to buy some soap to wash clothes. I soak the clothes in a bucket of detergent, feed the pup, wipe down the tables from the cat pawprints from his nightly adventures (I need to get window panes!), seep, yoga, make breakfast, wash dishes, scrub clothes, hang clothes, feed pup…
I run out the door at 11:45am. I lock up and turn around. I face the neighbors horses in my yard…they have eaten all of my first corn harvest and parts of 2 banana trees. Shit, I left the gate open. Ughhh, I run back to the neighbors – how do I get out the caballos? “You just shooo them”- they demonstrate with hand signals. I run back to my yard. “Vaya, vaya!” I yell. I’m standing far too far behind them for my stick waving to have any effect but eventually they bore and trot out my gate. As I walk out behind them, I notice they reciprocated the favor on my shoe.
It was 12:10pm…”I’m early” I thought. Leo arrives at 12:30, he thinks he’s early. There’s chatting…I look at my watcvh…A few girls from my team are getting to the field…it’s 1:05pm. Still missing half the team. Leo is eating pan dulce and coffee….
All meetings conveniently end up starting promptly at 3pm. I run from one to the other. I give up. I stay at the ADESCO meeting. We need to discuss our upcoming Christmas event. We end up gossiping ¾ of the time. ½ of that time is about me. What do I do when I go to the capital? Am I dating Fidel? Brock? Am I gaining weight? Will I come back after I leave for Christmas?
Today, I think about that question. Okay, not to scare people, yes I will come back. But I just got back from vacation. I was in Belize for 5 days. I didn’t have to speak Spanish…but I did anyway. (Its hard to kick the “No, Gracias” habit towards street vendors). I didn’t have to wear long skirts or closed sandals. I didn’t have to say Salu 300 times a day or deny cold cervezas. I just relaxed.
I swam with sharks. I cave tubed and zip lined through the jungle. I layed on the beach and listened to reggae music. I saw dread locks instead of sombreros and I watched the sunset with Jimmy at my side. I felt the wind and salty sea water on my face sitting on the bow of boats. I heard “Ay whats up mon?” instead of “que tal vos?”. I fell in the sand practicing headstands instead of on cement floors and rocky soccer fields. I ate fresh fish instead of fried tortillas and I drank bottled Belikin instead of bags of water.
After 5 days of tranquility I returned to La Montanita…but this time with Jimmy. If 2 gringos at one time wasn’t enough excitement for my village…the names Jaime and Jimmy sure pushed them over the edge. We played cards for countless horas with the neighbors, ate bean soup and refried beans and beans nuevos and…We had a girls soccer tournament- well I did, he had a 3 hour viewing session. We went to a tourist center for the ADESCO’s end of the year despedida party. We watched movies in my hammock. We put up Christmas lights and stocking my Dad sent me around my house. We shared cups of coffee in the morning…I learned I make it way too strong. He met vaquito, my pup. He met the roosters in the morning at 5 am :D We machete’d up a tree that fell in my yard while I was gone. Well, he did- I had an hour viewing session.
But now, I wake up alone. I sit alone, yet again, at my coffee table. I put on music to drone out the silence…the loneliness. I hear the lines “tears taste the same when they splash on our face” and I think of him. I think of my family and my friends at home. I can’t wait to see them. I see the pictures on my walls. Maddie with long hair. My friends laughing at the bar. Standing with my sisters in the upstate waterfalls. My relatives at my grandma’s 80th birthday…that was 12 years ago??? Where does the time go?
I’ll have been here 11 months upon my first visit home. Could I have really been here 11 months? Do I really have 15 more? Will I make it? Will I come back after Christmas?
This will surely be another challenge. I can’t wait to be home. I couldn’t wait for Belize. For Jimmy to come. But it is hard now. I got used to living alone. I got used to my community. But to have someone here and then taken away is really hard. And now I will have all my friends and family at home within reach. And I’ll have to say goodbye once again. Ughh.
You know, some days its so easy. Alls it takes is a hug from Lili. A “Buenos Dias Corazon” from Jose. A movie in the hammock with Vaquito. The sunrise over the mountains. A walk down the trail to the waterfalls. Someone giving me their seat on the bus. El torogoz birdie perched on the tree outside my window chirping.
But other days its so hard. I want to see Amanda playing tennis… and I want to help her pass math! I want to meet up with Christina and Danielle in DC to have lunch. I want to put up Christmas lights with my Dad. I want to set the table while my Mom cooks dinner. I want to go running with Sam and then sit on the couch with her while she growls at Amanda. I want to see my Grandma on her new bike and eat her salami pie. I want to lay on her shoulder while she pets my head. I want to laugh with my friends at the diner and get dressed up and go out.
I think about my most recent meeting with Intervida. The guy in front of my playing with his machete. The girl to my left breast feeding a baby just 15 years younger than she. The girl to my right sporting prom shoes. The guy behind me passed out, head dangled forward, rocking a hat that reads “CRAZY”. How did I end up here?
I have learned a lot this past year. I have seen a lot and done a lot. But I have missed so much. And it will be so hard while I’m home to realize what I am going to be missing next year. I often forget while I’m down here that life is moving on at home. I forgot that it was summertime at home. I forgot seasons were passing and kids were graduating. I still think it will be February 2nd when I get home. Christina will be in high school and living at home. My friends, all how I left them. I just hope nothing changes too much. And that everyone will wait for me to move back in 2012!
I rushed around the house all morning. I ran to my neighbors house to buy some soap to wash clothes. I soak the clothes in a bucket of detergent, feed the pup, wipe down the tables from the cat pawprints from his nightly adventures (I need to get window panes!), seep, yoga, make breakfast, wash dishes, scrub clothes, hang clothes, feed pup…
I run out the door at 11:45am. I lock up and turn around. I face the neighbors horses in my yard…they have eaten all of my first corn harvest and parts of 2 banana trees. Shit, I left the gate open. Ughhh, I run back to the neighbors – how do I get out the caballos? “You just shooo them”- they demonstrate with hand signals. I run back to my yard. “Vaya, vaya!” I yell. I’m standing far too far behind them for my stick waving to have any effect but eventually they bore and trot out my gate. As I walk out behind them, I notice they reciprocated the favor on my shoe.
It was 12:10pm…”I’m early” I thought. Leo arrives at 12:30, he thinks he’s early. There’s chatting…I look at my watcvh…A few girls from my team are getting to the field…it’s 1:05pm. Still missing half the team. Leo is eating pan dulce and coffee….
All meetings conveniently end up starting promptly at 3pm. I run from one to the other. I give up. I stay at the ADESCO meeting. We need to discuss our upcoming Christmas event. We end up gossiping ¾ of the time. ½ of that time is about me. What do I do when I go to the capital? Am I dating Fidel? Brock? Am I gaining weight? Will I come back after I leave for Christmas?
Today, I think about that question. Okay, not to scare people, yes I will come back. But I just got back from vacation. I was in Belize for 5 days. I didn’t have to speak Spanish…but I did anyway. (Its hard to kick the “No, Gracias” habit towards street vendors). I didn’t have to wear long skirts or closed sandals. I didn’t have to say Salu 300 times a day or deny cold cervezas. I just relaxed.
I swam with sharks. I cave tubed and zip lined through the jungle. I layed on the beach and listened to reggae music. I saw dread locks instead of sombreros and I watched the sunset with Jimmy at my side. I felt the wind and salty sea water on my face sitting on the bow of boats. I heard “Ay whats up mon?” instead of “que tal vos?”. I fell in the sand practicing headstands instead of on cement floors and rocky soccer fields. I ate fresh fish instead of fried tortillas and I drank bottled Belikin instead of bags of water.
After 5 days of tranquility I returned to La Montanita…but this time with Jimmy. If 2 gringos at one time wasn’t enough excitement for my village…the names Jaime and Jimmy sure pushed them over the edge. We played cards for countless horas with the neighbors, ate bean soup and refried beans and beans nuevos and…We had a girls soccer tournament- well I did, he had a 3 hour viewing session. We went to a tourist center for the ADESCO’s end of the year despedida party. We watched movies in my hammock. We put up Christmas lights and stocking my Dad sent me around my house. We shared cups of coffee in the morning…I learned I make it way too strong. He met vaquito, my pup. He met the roosters in the morning at 5 am :D We machete’d up a tree that fell in my yard while I was gone. Well, he did- I had an hour viewing session.
But now, I wake up alone. I sit alone, yet again, at my coffee table. I put on music to drone out the silence…the loneliness. I hear the lines “tears taste the same when they splash on our face” and I think of him. I think of my family and my friends at home. I can’t wait to see them. I see the pictures on my walls. Maddie with long hair. My friends laughing at the bar. Standing with my sisters in the upstate waterfalls. My relatives at my grandma’s 80th birthday…that was 12 years ago??? Where does the time go?
I’ll have been here 11 months upon my first visit home. Could I have really been here 11 months? Do I really have 15 more? Will I make it? Will I come back after Christmas?
This will surely be another challenge. I can’t wait to be home. I couldn’t wait for Belize. For Jimmy to come. But it is hard now. I got used to living alone. I got used to my community. But to have someone here and then taken away is really hard. And now I will have all my friends and family at home within reach. And I’ll have to say goodbye once again. Ughh.
You know, some days its so easy. Alls it takes is a hug from Lili. A “Buenos Dias Corazon” from Jose. A movie in the hammock with Vaquito. The sunrise over the mountains. A walk down the trail to the waterfalls. Someone giving me their seat on the bus. El torogoz birdie perched on the tree outside my window chirping.
But other days its so hard. I want to see Amanda playing tennis… and I want to help her pass math! I want to meet up with Christina and Danielle in DC to have lunch. I want to put up Christmas lights with my Dad. I want to set the table while my Mom cooks dinner. I want to go running with Sam and then sit on the couch with her while she growls at Amanda. I want to see my Grandma on her new bike and eat her salami pie. I want to lay on her shoulder while she pets my head. I want to laugh with my friends at the diner and get dressed up and go out.
I think about my most recent meeting with Intervida. The guy in front of my playing with his machete. The girl to my left breast feeding a baby just 15 years younger than she. The girl to my right sporting prom shoes. The guy behind me passed out, head dangled forward, rocking a hat that reads “CRAZY”. How did I end up here?
I have learned a lot this past year. I have seen a lot and done a lot. But I have missed so much. And it will be so hard while I’m home to realize what I am going to be missing next year. I often forget while I’m down here that life is moving on at home. I forgot that it was summertime at home. I forgot seasons were passing and kids were graduating. I still think it will be February 2nd when I get home. Christina will be in high school and living at home. My friends, all how I left them. I just hope nothing changes too much. And that everyone will wait for me to move back in 2012!
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