To Be...Or Inter-Be: That Is The Question

To Be Or Inter-Be...

That Is The Question

Who are you? Who is Michelle? Adam? Michael? Laura?

What comes to mind?

Are you an accountant? A nurse?

A brother? A friend?

Are you a runner? An activist? An atheist? An artist?

Who are you?

Are you this body?

Or are you this mind?

Who are you? Are you sure of it?

I slept and I had a dream. I was the only person on the whole planet. It was just earth and I. The land was vibrant green, and the water aqua blue, there were trees and fish, free animals and vibrant sunlight. There were no buildings, no pollution, no factories, no roads. There were no others.

Everyday I would wake up early with the sun. And I would sit comfortably with my legs crossed and do nothing but breathe in the air Earth would feed me. When I would begin to feel the vibrations of the sunlight energy in my soul, I would then stretch and start my day.

It was just me and the earth.

For a moment, I was a bird and I looked down on myself, alone in the world. My footprints were but one matching pair. For a moment, I looked down on myself; so alone.

But then I looked down and the earth held my footprints and I knew she was there with me.

Later on in the dream I ran into another human being. At first I was nervous. At first I was unsure. At first, I hesitated. I almost turned away.

When I saw her digging in the ground with her shovel, I cringed and I put my hands on the earth and I said “but you are mind. And she is hurting you.”

But the next day I saw a flower where the girl had dug her hole and we began to talk and I was not afraid anymore. She, too, loved earth and I knelt beside her and dirtied my hands.

 Many days we then spent together. And if there was ever a time I needed to share something, I looked for her footprints and I found her and together we walked on earth, sharing and laughing.

And then I said to her “I hope you never go. For without your footprints, I would be lost.”

But as the years passed, more humans beings came to planet earth. They spread across the countryside. They settled on different landforms. They planted bigger plants. And then homes. And then buildings. And then walls.

And I didn’t need my friend so much because of beings there were many and, anyways, I couldn’t find her footprints anymore.

At the end of the dream I found myself alone. I felt troubled by something in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I missed my friend. And so I knelt on planet earth, my eldest and truest friend, and she said to me, “Thee who carries in them, a bit of my light, in this time of trouble, ask yourself who you are.”

And now I am awake from my dream and I am sitting on a flattened pillow on the balcony of my hostel, writing this blog and I ask you all to be with me.

I would not be where I am today without each and every one of you.

I hope it would not take the world coming down to just 2 people, for us to realize and appreciate that we live in one another. We feed off each other’s energy. We share our eyes with our mother, who received them from our grandparents, and their faces would be what without those of our great grand-parents?

We carry another man’s labor on the shirts we wear on our backs. We wear a smile that we borrowed from a dog rolling around the floor on his back. We live in a body that is nourished by the fruits of our land.

So, who are you?

To be… Or inter-be. A bit of me lives in you, and you within me.

Yoga Is Like This

Ever hear the story of the guy who cursed the pile of sh*t?

So there’s a guy walking down the street…

He’s headed for work and in his rush, he steps in a big pile of sh*t. He begins to curse at it in anger in frustration, yelling “you dirty pile of sh*t”.

It is then that the sh*t begins to speak. “Who’s dirty? I’m dirty? Do you know what I was yesterday?”

And the man stands confused.

The sh*t continues, “Yesterday I was cupcakes and cookies and pancakes and hot chocolate. I only became this way after I passed through you. So, now, you tell me, who is the dirty one?”

While I do have a pretty raunchy foot fungus going on due to my soggy sneakers after my jungle trek, the point of the story is not that we are dirty human beings.

The point is that we forget.

We rush to work and we forget to see where we are going. We care so much about our own daily tasks, that we forget about the greater importance of things going on in the world. We forget that everything came from somewhere, and everything will go somewhere or become something else.

We think garbage is gross. But that very garbage was yesterday’s fresh orange juice.

Similarly, we think flowers are so beautiful…and are those flowers not composed of the remains of our compost and insect feces?

Next week I have examinations to become a Certified Yoga Educator. Never has that title held such value, meaning and understanding in my heart.

May 31 will be the culmination of a very special month for me.

It has been not just a sattvic month, but also a vegan month. It has been not just a fruit, vege, grain month, but a home-made soy milk, not 1 processed food month. It has been not just a no-coffee month, but a home-made daily tea month.

It has been a month surrounded by conscious individuals, loving souls, and visionaries. It has been a month interacting with activists, responsible citizens and passionate hearts. People who made compassion, friendliness, trust and forgiveness come easily. People who made me think “I can” and who made me believe the earth can once again be a balanced place, as it was when it was first created.

Before I came here, I feared the 5am wake-up…and now I couldn’t imagine missing the sunrise hour.

The morning meditations, then asana practice, then fresh oats with ripe berries… every morning, truly blessed, in every sense of the word.

I thought I would learn new yoga poses, the history of yoga and yoga principles. What I really learned, was to say grace.

I thought I would learn deep principles that I would write in calligraphy and post on my bedroom wall. What I learned was to be friendly, to have compassion for those who may cause hurt, and to feel joy in the success of others.

The yoga principles are basic. As are the physical postures, diet, and lifestyle… Very basic. Yet, deeply delicious and rewarding if you have the patience to put them into practice…

Work happily.

Live in the present (not the past, nor the future).

Be really concentrated in all that you do.

And have faith in a higher reality…

The earth is our only home. It doesn’t matter who or what you believe in, if you are this religion or that, or all, or neither. It doesn’t matter if you believe in science or the church. We are all here because of the earth. There are things we may never be able to explain in this material world- one that we cannot explain is just how we got here. But we are here. Now. And the earth is our only home.

So, why not live like we know that?

Why not remove the blinders that have told us that “sh*t” is shit. Because, it is not and you don’t have to be a genius to realize that it wasn’t born that way.

Awareness is a powerful thing…and you don’t have to be a Buddha or Priest or Guru to practice it.

Just take a moment to recognize that the earth is our only home and the only thing that is guaranteed is this moment.

How do you value your days?

What do you want to put into your body- the only vehicle you have to carry you through this world?

How will you treat the guy who pumps your gas today? A guy who may have 4 children at home that he struggles to feed.

What will you do when the lady behind you speaks too loudly on her cell phone on the train? When did you become ruler of the world? And why do you need to let her control your state of happiness?

Life is tricky…and we all fall for the traps.  

Many times this month, I have had nightmares after days and days of self-reflecting on my actions. Many times I have asked for forgiveness. And more times, I have asked for guidance.

Because, I have felt what it feels like to avoid the trap. In the moment it is difficult, and a part of you just wants to be weak, to give in. But when you make it out alive, you feel more liberated, more confident, more fulfilled than ever.

Every trap is an opportunity. Every small problem is a chance to get creative, to find a new solution, to grow. And you will.

And you will keep on walking and say to yourself “how lucky I am that I stepped in shit today, because I had almost forgotten how fortunate I am to be able to eat sweet foods on a daily basis, when most others do not.”

And, you will laugh to yourself, at how silly it is to curse the world for our own creations. 

Same, Same, but Different

I remember the moment my soul was at ease as our plane lifted up in the air 3 weeks ago and glided over New York. No more anticipation of “Am I ready to live out of a backpack again? What about my green smoothies? And am I sure I want to meditate heavily for 31 days?”

The plane and I were up in the air, about 3 hours into a 20 hour flight and all the anxieties washed away. As we floated about planet earth, I giggled to myself. What the difference between me being dropped down below on any different region of the world? We’re all people. There’s always going to be land and water, laughter and wonders, love and wisdom.

The big joke in Thailand is “same, same, but different”. It is overused by tourguides trying to pick up the naïve backpacker and take him on his tuk tuk to random places around the city for $1.50 and it is overwritten on neon tank tops for the travel-proud Americano. However cheesy it rings to the travel-sick adventurer, and albeit cliché, ‘tis the truth.

I heard from a wise guru yesterday that “all the problems in the world are created by the idea of separateness.”

mmmm. Let that one sink in.

Think about how someone asks a question about your dog, your t-shirt, your music, and you start to get a little excited inside. Think about how you can’t help but smile when you see a child rolling around on the ground giggling. Energy is contagious. What we do, how we live our lives, affects the world.

Pick up your milk carton, look at your banana, chew your bread- you do understand that every product is made from materials that are extracted from Earth? You don’t think that when you eat them, they disappear- you know they become a part of you, right?

So, how come we live with this idea of separation? How come we put no thought into the people who drive us in their yellow cabs?-- for one day I spoke to mine and he actually paid ME for the ride (as a contribution to my fundraiser).  How come we buy things we don’t need without thinking and then we throw them in our garbage as if all the plastic will disintegrate, as if hands didn’t work hard in a factory to build it for us, as if the company that created it cared about the treatment of it’s employees?

Are you living in a way where you take some time to think about using your voice, your actions, your money to give power to your highest commitments? Or are you just doing the motions? Are you just a robot who has said “ok life, you got me. Ok society, you rule my life. Ok world, I’ve got nothing left to give. This is it. There’s not enough time or ways. This is just the way it is.”

I spent 3 days in Thailand with a hill tribe. As we turned around a steep bend in the countryside, the smoke crawled over the mountainside from the slash and burn farming. A mother was scrubbing her clothes in the river below. Chickens were chasing each other around the rice paddies. Sure, I was in Thailand…that’s what the land boundaries told me anyways…but I may as well have been in El Salvador.

Maybe you’re sick of the “it reminded me of El Salvador” stories…but I guess that’s what happens when something pangs so deeply in your heart and accompanies you everywhere in your soul. It changes your view on “reality” and becomes a part of your every-minute-you. It is not in your consciousness, it IS your consciousness.

Point being, I lived those 3 days in tiny bamboo huts in a very small and rural village in Thailand without electricity and running water. I could not speak a word of Thai, but I laughed with the children in the school yard and chased puppies with the drunk guys in the evening. I helped Dang (our guide) cook a rice curry dinner and then bathed behind a rock in the river (before Dang casually tried to join me).

I laid beneath my mosquito net on the bamboo floor at night and I could see the stars from between the cracks in the roof.

And then it started to rain.

A fairytale, I know. I’m aware that it’s too good to be true.

So sure enough, the tears began to roll down my cheeks.

Because it was all so beautiful. Nature. Stars. Crisp water and genuine smiles. People who care about each other and the places we step our feet.

Because I missed Lili and her innocent smile. Because I missed my little Salvadoran doggie and how he chased the chickens. Because I missed my latrine, because at least we used toilet paper.

I cried a little because I thought about how Dang told me that 10 years ago this village was different. Now, they are used to the tourists popping in to say hello. They try to sell us bracelets, massages, overpriced sodas…they get angry if we don’t comply.

I face so many inner struggles about venturing the world, longing to experience all it has to teach me, yet fretting my carbon-footprint, emotional abuse, and confusion I send to the minds of those I enter.

Same, same, but different.

“Hey, massage-lady. I aint go no money either. My credit cards are maxed out and I’m looking for a loan to grad school. But how’s your day going? Is this your daughter?”

She walks away.

Same, same, but different.

“In your eyes, do you just see me as a big ole American-Bank-Account? Do you realize I actually care about you? Do you know I already love you? Your boldness and ambition. The way you tend your chickens and the children you brought into this world?”

It’s okay. There are misunderstandings, I know. It’s not her fault she sees me that way. It happens in my country, too.

I gave my camera to the smiling tot who was too young to understand the challenges of the adult-world. Later, I flipped through his photos as I sat upon a bamboo rail overlooking the mountains.

Give a camera to a child if you really want to see the world, if you want to learn a culture, if you want to think and discover.

Stray dogs with flea bellies. Blurred shots of kids chasing each other in torn clothing. The inside of the outhouse. The man squatting above a smokey wood-burning stove. His own, very, very dirty barefoot toes.

I love this life.

It may seem strange to some. “what is she doing out there again? How can she live like that?” To me it’s not odd at all. It is natural.

Not everyone has to do this. Everyone has their own path. And each path can be beautiful. We just have to embrace it.

Be friendly to all those who are around you. Energy is contagious so when you think of all the people you spray when you sneeze, recognize you can have the same affect with your smile.

If you want to do something and your heart starts to beat and creates a little feeling of un-comfortableness, don’t turn away- jump in. Those moments have the best outcomes.

Attempt looking at new people, old people, strange places, awkward rides, as opportunities for growth and learning. Everyone and everything has gifts to offer the world- for we all share this same light and desire to be loved and happy. Blur the lines that divide our bodies, our places, our countries and see these inner gifts instead. We’re all the same, same, but different.