The trees are tame and my dog is coiled calmly in her corner.
I woke up from the quietness.
Just over a year ago today, I was trapped inside my Salvadoran home all alone, as the dirt roads of my community became flooded on day 8 of consecutive down-pouring. The tin roof of my house had peeled back and I did my best attempt to keep my material possessions dry. I remember the sadness I felt at having lost the photos I had taped to my wall in an attempt to mask the grey-ness of my home.
In New York, we prepared a long time for Sandy. The tv, the news, the radio, facebook, twitter... all warning us of what was to come...helping us to prepare for the worst.
In El Salvador, the rain began...we closed our doors and prayed.
On Sunday, after I found the candles and flashlights, checked the cupboards for dry food and helped secured any loose items outside, I put on my sneakers.
I went for a three mile run around my community observing the houses, the colorful fall trees, the waves of clouds in the sky. On numerous occasions during the run, I got the chills.
Stopping at my former elementary school, I smiled silently at our infrastructure: the children will be safe.
I entered the gates of our huge, brick grade school. Do we have any idea how fortunate we are?
I sat on the turf of the school lawn. I flipped upside down and did a headstand. Will this be what it looks like tomorrow? Everything turned inside out and upside down?
Monday came with trepidation.
The trees teetered and tottered. The howling got louder as midnight approached. The lights flickered.
My mind raced. I was nervous...
I watched the news. I prayed for those evacuated, for New York City & New Jersey and all those hit by Sandy's force.
But I couldn't help but think the "why"?
Nature, planet earth, so dutifully protecting us on a daily basis. No one has to remind it to flood our sea with fishes and oxygenize the plants. It precipitates when needed and warms us after the winter.
Why Sandy?
I have come up with many beliefs to answer this question, but I have settled for the obvious- there is no answer. There is no knowing.
As for many things in life, we must accept certain things that we just do not know. We may think we know, but in fact, we do not.
And that is okay.
What we can do instead is be.
Be grateful for our blessings, which each and everyone of us has in our own form.
Be proud of our country, and the preparations we made to be safe.
Be reminded to love those around us, because sometimes we forget.
Be the help that our neighbor needs in a time when we can give.
Be you, and be your best you, because it is all we can be.
I look outside today at the aftermath. It is a lot to process. I have so many thoughts.
I look at the photos I have on my computer of El Salvador, October 2011. I remember my Peace Corps friends who were evacuated from their communities. I remember the donations of clothes and food to those living on the coastline. I remember my lonesome house. I remember the mud and mold and mess.
It is so similar here in New York today.
When you strip away all else, you are left with what is real. The mechanisms we have built in society to grow and do more and do better, they sometimes blind us from the beauty of our core. They sometimes separate us from our families, our friends, our enemies and strangers.
When you lose that, you see what is raw-human-nature. Our souls, which are all the same in the end: wanting to love and to be loved.
Sometimes tainted overtime by our social influences, but often recovered when life decides to show us.
Sometimes it takes a storm to peel down the advertisements and wash away our possessions to remind us what is important.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all those who have been affected by this storm.
May we take the time to reflect on its significance and may we have the strength to be who we need to be today to help in the recovery.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
One of Those Days
Ever have one of those days where you just do not want to get out of the shower?
It is like the shower is your only safe place. No one can come in and disturb you.
The constant flow of water is cleansing all that has gone wrong with the day before.
Even your tears run unseen.
If you stay in there, the day ahead won't have to start, and there's a chance you may avoid repetition of all the failures from the last 24 hours.
If you stay in there, you won't have to answer the phone. You won't have to pick up calls of bad news. You won't have to pay the bills. You won't have to see 'you know who' or do 'you know what'.
If you stay in there, you don't even have to think about what to wear.
But, alas, you start to feel guilty about all the water you are wasting... or, if you are like me, your hot water tank runs out in approximately 7 minutes and you have no other choice but to emerge from your blissful steam room.
You reach for the towel, almost hesitantly, because you know that as you wipe the water droplets away, you are wiping away the illusion of a world without pain.
Time to face the inevitable.
You get dressed and you go.
You go out into the world that at times can seem so daunting and so scary. You go with uncertain, fearsome anticipation of what is to come. Anxiety that there will be another bad call. A pain in your stomach that you will not be able to mend all the ways in which you have went wrong. A cringing of confusion.
How did I get here?
But you keep going.
Because rocking in the rocking chair will keep you busy, but it will get you no where.
And somewhere in this world is worth going.
You keep going because there must be one person out there who will make you smile today. It may be the coffee guy, who gives you a free pastry. It may be a puppy who walks happily along 9th Avenue with 2 wheels as his hind legs. It may be the bright blue sky above, and that sunny spot as you turn onto 78th that warms your face in the morning.
You keep going, because even if the day just does not seem to get any better from that morning shower, you can always get back in that shower in the evening.
Just keep going.
Because you wouldn't know pleasure without knowing pain.
Pain is okay.
Just keep going.
It is like the shower is your only safe place. No one can come in and disturb you.
The constant flow of water is cleansing all that has gone wrong with the day before.
Even your tears run unseen.
If you stay in there, the day ahead won't have to start, and there's a chance you may avoid repetition of all the failures from the last 24 hours.
If you stay in there, you won't have to answer the phone. You won't have to pick up calls of bad news. You won't have to pay the bills. You won't have to see 'you know who' or do 'you know what'.
If you stay in there, you don't even have to think about what to wear.
But, alas, you start to feel guilty about all the water you are wasting... or, if you are like me, your hot water tank runs out in approximately 7 minutes and you have no other choice but to emerge from your blissful steam room.
You reach for the towel, almost hesitantly, because you know that as you wipe the water droplets away, you are wiping away the illusion of a world without pain.
Time to face the inevitable.
You get dressed and you go.
You go out into the world that at times can seem so daunting and so scary. You go with uncertain, fearsome anticipation of what is to come. Anxiety that there will be another bad call. A pain in your stomach that you will not be able to mend all the ways in which you have went wrong. A cringing of confusion.
How did I get here?
But you keep going.
Because rocking in the rocking chair will keep you busy, but it will get you no where.
And somewhere in this world is worth going.
You keep going because there must be one person out there who will make you smile today. It may be the coffee guy, who gives you a free pastry. It may be a puppy who walks happily along 9th Avenue with 2 wheels as his hind legs. It may be the bright blue sky above, and that sunny spot as you turn onto 78th that warms your face in the morning.
You keep going, because even if the day just does not seem to get any better from that morning shower, you can always get back in that shower in the evening.
Just keep going.
Because you wouldn't know pleasure without knowing pain.
Pain is okay.
Just keep going.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Dear Grandma
3 Ways to Live Until You're 93
(featured on Mind Body Green)
My grandma is utterly amazing, something you have to see to believe. She golfs (and wins), she cooks, she cleans, she sews, she draws (she was a designer), she drives around in her big, white Chrysler, but most importantly of all, she makes every person who crosses her path laugh.
She is 93-years-old.
Just in case you didn’t get the picture: last Sunday she was photographed walking alongside a 96-year-old lady who was using a walker. My grandma walked by this lady’s side, coaxing her along, “Come on honey, you can do it!”
She does not wear glasses, nor has she ever. She gets asked out to dinner by 65-year-old men, and she rejects them because “they can’t dance.” Her bicep is bigger than mine, and I thank God every day that I got her legs.
I sat next to her over the weekend, in a hand-in-hand embrace at a family party. We were smiling, sharing stories and laughing like two childhood friends. I was admiring her trendy jewelry when another lady said, “That’s sweet; did you leave some jewelry for your granddaughter?”
“No. I’m alive. I wear it,” was my Grandma’s response.
No one is going to cut my Grandma’s life short, and no one is going to make her stop living and enjoying every moment of it.
So, how does granny do it, you ask?
1. Laugh often – Let your head roll back and your eyes tear. Do it until your stomach hurts and almost to the point where you cannot bear it anymore. Lock eyes with your friends, your family, even a stranger.
2. Be True to Yourself – Stop worrying about what the world will think if you go running in your sports bra and you don’t have a six-pack. If you want to study philosophy, do not study economics because of what your friends will say. Being you and doing you is more than okay; it is beautiful.
3. Stay Active – Grandma never sits! It is okay to relax, but try vacuuming the first 30 minutes of your favorite show; it gets up your heart rate. A snowy winter coming? Go out there and help your neighbor shovel for 15 minutes – get some back muscles! Walk to the grocery store, and go out dancing!
My grandma is my best friend. She is my pride. She is my motivation and my inspiration. Take her advice; it works! And don’t forget to ask your grandma her story! If you don’t have a Grandma, you can share mine. Her name is Faustina, so feel free to leave her a message below.
Our elders carry all the wisdom in the world, how often do we tap that resource?
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