One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days where you just do not want to get out of the shower?

It is like the shower is your only safe place. No one can come in and disturb you.

The constant flow of water is cleansing all that has gone wrong with the day before.

Even your tears run unseen.

If you stay in there, the day ahead won't have to start, and there's a chance you may avoid repetition of all the failures from the last 24 hours.

If you stay in there, you won't have to answer the phone. You won't have to pick up calls of bad news. You won't have to pay the bills. You won't have to see 'you know who' or do 'you know what'.

If you stay in there, you don't even have to think about what to wear.

But, alas, you start to feel guilty about all the water you are wasting... or, if you are like me, your hot water tank runs out in approximately 7 minutes and you have no other choice but to emerge from your blissful steam room.

You reach for the towel, almost hesitantly, because you know that as you wipe the water droplets away, you are wiping away the illusion of a world without pain.

Time to face the inevitable.

You get dressed and you go.

You go out into the world that at times can seem so daunting and so scary. You go with uncertain, fearsome anticipation of what is to come. Anxiety that there will be another bad call. A pain in your stomach that you will not be able to mend all the ways in which you have went wrong. A cringing of confusion.

How did I get here?

But you keep going.

Because rocking in the rocking chair will keep you busy, but it will get you no where.

And somewhere in this world is worth going.

You keep going because there must be one person out there who will make you smile today. It may be the coffee guy, who gives you a free pastry. It may be a puppy who walks happily along 9th Avenue with 2 wheels as his hind legs. It may be the bright blue sky above, and that sunny spot as you turn onto 78th that warms your face in the morning.

You keep going, because even if the day just does not seem to get any better from that morning shower, you can always get back in that shower in the evening.

Just keep going.

Because you wouldn't know pleasure without knowing pain.

Pain is okay.

Just keep going.