Trapped Awake, Ready to Die

I'm trapped between two worlds.

I am awake in love and gratitude.
Ready to fight: with love.
Willing to die awake.

I am trapped awake.

This morning, I pull the curtains open and there is a family of birds dancing and signing in a blue sky that begs me lovingly to smile.

My friend is out there working with his shirt off, trimming the medicinal tree in our garden, and with each trim seeps out the smell of heaven. He waves to me. My friend's skin is painted in fierce tattoo that is the sacred markings of a story sewed with pain and commitment that I, too, can feel, in a different stitching.

This morning, I receive a message from the man who adopted my dog and he asks if he can bring her to come visit me today.

There is a joy that makes my heart beat and eyes twinkle and soul feel full and grateful for this world.

And there is also something eating at my stomach. 

There is a story of a man who was strangled to death. He is physically quieted by an arm around his throat.
He is asking for help.
He is saying out loud
I cannot breath.

And they are literally
suffocating him.

Who taught us not to listen?

In school they tell us to pay attention. They tell us to go home and read the newspapers. They tell us to vote. We look up to people of authority because it is what we are taught as children. Respect your parents. Respect your teachers. Respect the police.

Who is telling them to respect US? 

Could it be, that it has been so ingrained in our minds to respect something out there, that we have forgotten to respect what is in here?

There is value in learning to respect our elders.
There is value is knowing how to pick up a newspaper and understand what is going on in the world.
There is value in our educational system.

THERE IS MORE VALUE in understanding YOUR OWN VALUE and your own
INNER INTELLIGENCE.

Everyone delivering you information is subject to bias. Based on what they have been told. Based on experiences in their own lives.

Therefore, you must respect, read, learn - And remember that you are also a wise and worthy being. Wise enough to think on your own, worthy enough of love. And you must always remember to think for yourself- the type of thinking that involves both your heart and your brain.

I am not sure, anymore, how often we are taught this.   encouraged to explore this.

Are our parents, teachers, educators, our uniformed-community-members of "high-standing" and authority....are they helping us?

As children of the world, eternally growing
To awaken. To find our inner knowledge and wisdom and let it come out and grow
And expand

Not just in mathematics and science and technology....That, too, yes, of course...
I want to know..

Are our guiding symbols of love and light and wisdom in the world
Are those parents and educators and uniformed men and women
Are they also showing us the immense capability we have inside of us
To love?

Are they actually creating spaces for us to be more active members of a society that serves our greatest good? As we read the news, it is our right and responsibility as equally intelligent heart-bearing children of the Earth to ask this question.

I do not have anything against people.
And if they treat their positions with the utmost respect, for they, like all of us, are here to serve each other, to serve humanity-
And if they can remember this, no matter what title or last name or paycheck or collar they wear-

If they can remember that their purpose here on this planet
Is to serve LIFE
To serve all living beings
Because we need each other

Then I have nothing against them
As people
inside of a position. In fact, I am grateful for them.

And if you have "become" the Position of authority
Forgetting, in fact, that you are merely just a human
And if you have "become" a position where you have taken on a power stance
that has led you to believe that you are above

Then I will watch you step down. I will strip you of your uniform with my eyes. And see you again as a human.

And if you are one of the ones who want to now, take those down from the power, physically-
I, then, have to ask:

Doesn't that mean that we are admitting that they have some power above us?

Wouldn't it be better if we displayed ourselves in all our power and glory
Wouldn't it be better if we united
Yes, us human beings of all shapes and colors and sizes
What if we joined our forces together?
Not against them, no. Because that would be acknowledging that they do have power above us. That they are separate.
And they don't. They aren't.
They are just abusing a position. Or they are lost or confused. Or trapped, asleep.


There is a family of birds dancing and singing before a beautiful sky today, begging me to smile.
And my heart hurts. And honestly, its a bit fucking angry.

I am trapped between two worlds.

One that everyone thinks is reality. a fake system that we are fighting. and I, naively, often join the fight. forgetting that as I continue to fight I am keeping the system alive.

The other world
are the birds singing and dancing
Actually, we are this world, we are just wrapped up in the story
And most people will call you a hippie if you tell them this is reality
That this is what is real. the fucking birds.

Remembering how to interact with one another. Share with one another. Create with one another.
Let go.
Forgive.
Fly together.

Fucking survival.
Fucking waking up and not knowing if you will get the worm.
And still fucking joining together at the end of the day
To fly together.
Still fucking dancing.

We are

a tribe of lions
a family of birds
a pack of wolves

Supposedly, now, elevated with a conscience...
Where the fuck did we put it?

We need each other.
We don't need the lion tamer.

The tamer is an illusion that keeps us in this cage.

And if we can come together...

Raise our voices, now that they have taught us to educate, read the news, and "vote"
Now, let's really scare them...

Let us become quiet again. Not silent. Just quiet.
Let's scare the shit out of those ones who depend on us to fight.
And let's be quiet.

Let us vote with our actions. Let us let our education carry ourselves forward, not because they are dangling green-paper meat in front of us, but because we want something more. together. not climbing on top of each other...walking together...

Let us show them how much we will stand by each other's side.
So strong, so bonded, that we don't need the lion tamer. We will walk, as a pack, wherever the hell we want to go. And we will say, to our beaten black brother, come with us. And we will say, to our collared white man with a gun, "you have a weapon, and we just have our 2 hands. And if that scares you, to know the power of our own being without a cold weapon, then shoot us. But if you want to know true power too, then put your gun down and walk with us".

I am trapped between 2 worlds.
Because I am still young on this journey. And I don't want to die. And I don't want to live asleep.
And the world is a scary place and I don't want to be afraid. And I don't have the answers, yet I have committed to being part of the solution. I am not willing to believe, anymore, in a system that does not serve me.
And I also do not want to fight it, because it takes my energy and gives me nothing in return.
Loving people, though, animal packs and flocks of birds- they carry me forward. Even thought I am still learning to dance. I find myself moving more freely everyday.

I have over 23 years of reading a story that was sold to me about a reality that I thought I had to accept. And then one day, in the face of starvation, I realized that: it was all just a story. And: i don't have to accept it.

There is another world, where birds are singing and dancing.

I read a "story" once, about a tribe of people, that once, too danced (like the birds). At Wounded Knee. In South Dakota. In the UNITED(?) States....

And you know what?
For those who think that believing in this real world of trees and birds and love
You think that is hippie shit?

Well, dancing scares the living day light out of people who hide behind uniforms and don't know how to take them off...
Those who don't know how to strip themselves down to what makes us vulnerable

So, once we are quiet and united and awake
Let us dance freely beneath the moon
As is our right
And our responsibility to be joy on this Earth

And if they come again, to Wounded Knee, to take what is rightfully ours
They will find too many of us now
To silence

And if they open fire upon us with their cold artillery
Then we will all perish
Us with Them

Us, first, in dignity
Them, next, in true suffering
Together, at last
As one human-kind
Because they will realise

That they have murdered

The farmers
The caretakers
The mothers
The painters
The musicians
The artists
The lovers

The creators of life.