Vacation With No Guilt

How I Enjoyed Vacation Without Feeling Guilty on the Plane Ride Home

It has been a long time since I went away on vacation. Especially the type of vacation where everything is all-inclusive, the resorts are sparkly clean and you don’t share a shower with your neighboring backpackers.

I woke up the very first morning in awe of the crystal blue waters. But as I waited for the elevator to take me down to the lobby, I began to panic.

I entered the room of an 8 row buffet in trepidation.

My mind raced with thoughts of the ethics of living. By the mounds of hamburgers I saw rows of cows trapped in confined spaces eating unnatural grain. As the herds of two legged humans entered the dark, air-conditioned space from the bright doorway I saw them wear t-shirts bearing the words “obesity epidemic”, “gluttons” and “unconscious”.

And there I was carrying a plate to join the line right behind them with my t-shirt bearing “hypocrite”.

I sat through dinner beside my father rather quiet. I noted casually the portions of my fellow vacationers. I squinted as I saw the tiny piles of food left behind and then I cringed at myself as I shoveled down another bite too many in an effort to leave no bean behind.

After a rather contemplative feeding, I walked out of the restaurant by myself.

Subconsciously, I used the stairs.

When I arrived on the 6^th floor, I felt a little exhausted.

I grabbed my journal and headed out to our little balcony overlooking the most beautiful sit of crisp blue waves underneath vibrant green palm trees. I smiled in the sweetness. I inhaled with deep reverence for the salty fresh air and exhaled away my worries.

I am on vacation.

Something very valuable I learned from this week’s guided meditation was the importance of creativity and play. So many great ideas, moments of bonding and discoveries arise during our moments of downtime. However, I notice so many of us too distracted with accumulating the richest plate, judging our nearest neighbor, and criticizing ourselves for our weakness to enjoy a genuine time of play or relaxation.

What was my intention for this vacation?

The answer was simple. It was never about the abundance of food or the boisterous nightlife. It wasn’t about getting a golden tan or checking another country off my list. It wasn’t even about those blessed blue waters or the silky sand that weaved between my toes as I walked down the beach.

It was about my family.

It was about spending loving moments with my father and being with my sisters in a place where we weren’t learning or working or arguing or teaching, just being together.

It was about laughing at my sisters’ fumbles on the volleyball court and silly dance moves at the nightclub. It was about the feeling of our legs rubbing next to each other as we bounces acorss the sea on the catamaran.

It was about the smile on my Dad’s face when we all met in the lobby and it was about the bowl of ice cream we shared together at dinner.

So you know what I did after that first night at dinner?

I set more intentions. Because I wanted to enjoy my vacation and I wasn’t going to feel guilty about it.

I knew that I still wanted to enjoy the food at the buffet so I used it as an experiment to make my first plate the most nutritious. I loaded up on fresh spinach and avocado,  yummy nut and seeds and many of the local fruits: guayaba, papaya and pineapple.

As for the feelings of dismay about the ideas of an “all you can eat”, I decided that there wasn’t much I could do about that at the moment. I had already been committed. However, I made a note of everything I felt about the buffet and felt empowered to choose vacations differently in the future.

I love to be healthy. Most of the love comes from a place of deep reverence for my body and all that it permits me to do. That being said, I also love food and even more, I love sharing food with people.

During my time in El Salvador and many other places aborad, food was what brought people from many lands together. It was a sign of resepct to accept a plate made by my brothers and sisters from foreign lands and with that I grew to have quite an “all inclusive” appetite myself.

As for this vacation, if I was going to indulge in some new delicacies here and there, I knew that I had to do something to create balance, or else, that’s were the sneaky little thing called “guilt” would creep in.

So I set an intention to use the stairs every time I wanted to get to and from my 6^th floor room. I did pushups every morning and some form of exercise everyday on the beach, whether it was volleyball, yoga, or core work.

Even better, with my new sense of control and empowerment over my vacation with my intentions, I was able to continue living the healthy life style I have grown accustomed to love. I woke up almost every morning at 7am. Usually started my day with a big glass of water and journaling on my porch, breathing in fresh air and being conscious of all the natural beauty around me.

Some days I went for a walk with my father.

I drank very little alcohol, although when I did I had some vodka and seltzer and I was extra happy to ask for everything in Spanish, once again.

I even enjoyed my little buzz and felt no guilt afterwards.

As I set out into the air and waved goodbye to my lovely time in Cancun, the Yucatan Peninsula and the Isla Mujeres, I couldn’t help but let my mind travel back to El Salvador, as I smiled at the colorful pueblo below me. Painted shanties of blue, purple and yellow, with little carts out front surely selling freshly squeezed juices and with extra dirty water. I may have wiped a tear or two from my eyes and sighed with the sweet reminder that part of my heart will always reside in central America and I live forever indebted to how it has changed my life.

So I go back home to NY, excited to return to my routine, and also very satisfied with my relaxing little vacation. No anxiety. No stress. No work.

No guilt.

Even after many bowls of ice cream with my pops.