Happiness

I woke up shivering this morning. I tossed and turned for a little bit. I thought to myself… I’ve rested enough that it’s time to get up. But I don’t want to untie myself from the cozy ball of my blankets. I’m still cold. And I have to pee. I want my sweater. And I want my latrine. I turn and look up at my “ceiling”. There is a little bit of light peeking through the crack in the middle, but not enough to illuminate the room. I estimate it’s 5:30am. I pull back the mosquitero, climb under, and slip on my flip flops. I reach for my phone from the shelf where service hits and look at it from beneath squinting, sleepy eyes. 5:26am. I pull my sweater over my head and head outside.

It’s so quiet at this time and I smile when I look around me. It’s been 8 months. Will this view ever get old? Will the backdrop of the mountains and the pearly white waterfall in the distance ever seize to inspire me? Will I forget the way the clouds blanket my neighbor’s farm at dawn? Will I miss the sound of crickets, birds, roosters and cows? I barely hear them anymore. It’s just music in the background now. It’s just so quiet. Well…it was. There goes Carolina’s music echoing from down by the futbol field. “And still I see no changes…” is now rapping through La Montanita. Pues, Tupac, ya tenemos a black President.

I turn on the water faucet with my small coffee tin in hand. Shit, no water. Good excuse not to shower today? It’s so cold! My mind flashes to my US bathroom. Less than 3 months until hot water…
I scoop some agua up from the water basin. I peer down into it. No mosquito larva? Cool. Luckily, I cleaned the pila Thursday. I put the water on the stove and wait for it to boil. I can already smell the coffee and I haven’t even opened the bag. I wonder how crack addicts do it.

Its 5:45am. I have 2 meetings today… First one being at 10am- girls’ soccer team practice. I’m still so proud of them for playing their first game without me being there. Sustainability!  (INSERT: Request for friends and family at home to send an old soccer cleats you have lying around. 80% of my team plays barefoot…if you think that’s impressive you should see the “field”. Not exactly the Pville turf.) Second meeting, Artesania. I’m so happy that at least 20 youth have been showing up every Saturday. We are learning how to make a lot of cool stuff and I hope to start selling in the next few months.  (INSERT: Let me know if you would be interested in buying!) I’m really proud of them for also managing their own fundraiser. Man people can be shy here. Selling raffle tickets to a bunch of strangers started out as a terrifying day. But I was really proud of my girls who ended up selling over 60 tickets. Anyway… I have 2 meetings today… I should start planning. But I’m still cold and my eyes are still sleeping. My hammock is just swaying there taunting me. I pull my blanket off my bed, wrap it around my shoulders, put on some socks (Is it really this cold? December in New York?) and grab “Buddha” (the book) off my table.

“You’d be better off with an honest living that doesn’t depend on another man’s sweat”

…I read after 20 minutes of hammock time. I think about my future. In a year and a half, I return to the states.
Wandering down the streets saying hello to friends and sharing many cups of coffee will be esoteric. A workday consisting of running the soccer field will be non-existent. And trying to find a job that is not 9-5pm is unheard of. I worry about my future. I think about this statement above. I want to work hard and I want an honest job. I want to appreciate life. I like to believe money is not that important… but than again I’ve never lived poor. I’ve never really struggled. Even now, lets face it, I have privileges my community does not. I want a job I love, I want to say “who cares what it pays if I love it” but I also want to support my family. I want to be able to give them everything. Will it be possible?

I underline this part of the book and head outside. Again, I am taken aback by the site before me. Am I crazy? Too much of a visionary? Will reality someday hit me and I won’t see the beauty in all that is simply before me? Whatever. Right now, I am happy. I take a deep breath and stretch my arms up to the sky. Ah I am so lucky. I want to feel this way forever.