TOday we learned the importance of our mosquito nets... not just against monsquitos, but also these awful chinche bugs that will poop on your face and give you chagas. of which you may not know you have for 10 years and then you will most likely not survive. Malaria and Dengue fever are just a couple of the other diseases we need to beware of.
But the discussion of nets reminded me of the night before. Each night I climb under my mosquito net (which is tucked into the mattress at all times to avoid any entrance of any type of bug ever) and I lie in my bed with a few of the letters from the pile from my friends and family from home. I read a couple before I go to bed and get both an extreme feeling of homesickness, but also great comfort and reminders from the people I love that people believe in me and that I should believe in my self even when Im feeling down.
I have a similar mixed feeling from my mosquito net. While I feel very safe and am so happy I have it to protect me from the dangers, it also creates a feeling of loneliness. I´m kinda trapped with this barrier around me. I don´t feel so at home and I´m kinda separated. I still feel that way in my community. And while I love my host family and the community I am in, I still dont quite fit. I hope I will get better over time.
Also, I woke at 1am to a man screaming in spanish outside my home. Of course this provokeed the chickens and my dog which was going baslitic... but I am also happy Black was there to protect me. I was petrified and since my room is segregated from the rest of the house I was nervous and had no one to comfort me! I couldn´t sleep for awhile and when I woke, I was unsure if what I actually experienced was a dream. Anyway, I soon find out that the man was trying to wake my mom to tell her that her friend had passed away. My mom was very sad all morning and I was upset that I couldn´t find the spanish words to offer my condolences.
But I guess everyone shares the same things. We all feel loneliness, sadness, fears, passions, laughter. These emotions are what get us through life and connect us as people. I think its important to always share these feelings with others.
Heading back to the Training Center now.
Looking forward to reading a few more letters tonight and think about everyone back home constantly. So many people have given me so much supprot and I honestly don´t think I could be doing this without you. Thank you all. I love and miss everyone!
xoxoxo
awe Jaime!! You can do it!! I am glad you like your family :). It will just take time to feel at home there... at least a mosquito net won't physically injure you if you sit up in bed... (unlike your freshman year in college sleeping situation-- you really can do anything!! lol) miss you!
ReplyDeleteJaimm... this makes me saddd and scaredddd... i'm sending your link around my office.
ReplyDeletehi jaime
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time hearing the expression " I WISH I WAS A FLY ON THE WALL @ THAT OFFICE MEETING" it made me think. Sometimes I wish I was a fly on your net at night and could keep you company. A good friend of mine once told me " BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR " with my luck I'd be sucked up by a lizard. i will always remember these two friends of the past and it brings me comfort knowing you have so many friends and will meet so many more though out your life.
ReplyDeleteMy first letter was lost because i never blogged before so i am sending it in pieces. Danielle guided me through the process. Chris and Amanda were scheduled to visit grandma & me for a week but got snowed in. Chris wants to still come but Amanda is concerned about school work. Its been cold here 45-65 and not really beach/tanning weather but Chris says....&*^%*#.. besides a kite surfer was eaten by a shark and that was a rare but true event which always makes the ocean a little less appealling. I am Proud of you being so determined- which incidentally was the name of our first boat. I named it that because you have to be determined to reach your destination. And beacause I had a lot of D's E's & I's left over from the first owner who called it the "DIZZY DEE" which may have had a hidden meaning since I like to get lost a lot because you never know what you might find. And that makes life a little more interesting. Seeing you so determined and reading your Blist makes me happy to see the direction you want to take in your life and that I am glad you are so DETERMINED. Your stories and experiences are interesting and will surely open a lot of minds so be sure to capture as much in your journel as you can. By the way Mom and I had a real buggy experience on that boat and had no net. we were attacked by a plague of mosquitos and had to use blankets with a tiny air hole. I'm sure she remembers so its something we share with you. love you ps don't be so fast to swat that fly
ReplyDeleteHi Jaime I miss you terribly PLease tell me how you feel about you being happy there sam misses you too I love you and need to communicate with you more stay safe!!! i love you xoxoxoxo love mommy
ReplyDeleteHi Jaime!
ReplyDeleteI know how isolating it can be being away from your friends, family and everything you know. I will tell you that it teaches you so many things as a person and you will become stronger and more confident. I promise you will look back later on in your life and be glad and proud of yourself for what you have done and what you have done for others! There is a prayer that has been helpful to me and I will write it here and hope you can find comfort in it too.
Thomas Merton's Prayer
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Love & Hugs, Christine